Sunday, July 19, 2009

I, E. B. II

E. B.

E B White? E B Lewis? Electric Boogaloo?

No. It is I, the Endstation Bouncer. I return with my reflections on some happenings in and about Endstation theatre and my thoughts on where we've been and where we're going. I'll jump right in by answering the two most commonly asked questions of the Endstation Bouncer.

Question: Why Bounce? Like, why stay with it, what with the Settle family fortune there to support your indulgences (A fortune made at the turn of the century by running 'shine in old VA.). Answer: The Bouncer usually sees more tail than a bar stool on a Saturday night. [I jest.]

Bouncing? For Endstation Theatre? That's ridik-ilous!...OH YEAH?!? Truth: Just this past spring, this collection of badasses had a squad of uniformed Police Officers burst in on a meeting pre-planning the Sonnets & Chocolates fundraiser! Solution: Someone to 'work the door'. [Rest assured, there was no cause for alarm.]

I want to thank my buddy and theatrical associate, Geoff Kershner, for being willing to overlook the handicap I occassionally suffer. I don't think so good; not since my early days of practicing the sweet science, the gentlemanly art of pugilism, uhm..dusting knuckles for pay with me chums. Geoff has always been very conscienscious of using the terms ex- and former boxer, instead of 'washed-up' and 'has-been'.

[The Frightful Four become the Fearsome Five as J. David Settle joins the ranks of Rocky Marciano, Don King, Cassius Clay, and Muhammad Ali. Known just as much for their bombastic turns-of-phrase as their devastating ring-side ways.]

And now some random musings, hopefully amusing, badass and bemusing, on the goings on at Sweet Briar's resident 'Endstation Theatre'...:

-The coolest cats in the company, the Endstation Interns, all get together 'after hours' and party like it's 1999, a year most of them are too young to remember.

-The way Dan adjusts himself whenever Angie says 'fixture check' makes me uncomfortable.

-I laugh every time Maria cuts me a check from the Endstation account, and says, "Boiiii-ooii-ooiiing!".

-Sophisticated joke? I've got one about Endstation's first season;... the Punchline..."The Tell-Tale Fart".

-Bouncing ain't the most glamorous job but it beats my first job at Endstation, maintaining the bathroom upstairs outside the conference room; or as I call it, "visiting Planet Funk-o-tron".

-The chances of some type of reprise of MBK or MND are actually pretty good, since it would seem pretty hard to just 'lose' all that great rock music like I've heard happens occassionally. (Oh Snap!)

-Ashley Zach could have any of us killed at any time with one phone call.

-My suggestion for next years season? An adaptation of Patrick 'Philosophizing Bouncer' Swayze's "Road House"

-Truth: Wanda, of "The Bluest Water", is sexier than Honey Ryder, Kitty Stroker, Plenty O'Toole, and Pussy Galore combined; she's MARRIED to James Bond!

-As big of a dizzle as Drew is about fire exits and fire safety, he'd just as soon see us all burn.

-"THEY'LL NEVER WORK IN AMHERST AGAIN!" pronounces Dr. Kershner the day after a player blows the 'sweet briar' line in MND.

-Brian, the bit about getting drunk (or 'something') and going out one night to change all the signs on campus to read "SWEET BRIAN" was funny last year; let it go, man.

-I trust Sally more than anyone else in the company; last year during a Combat Workshop she could have totally kicked me in the business and she didn't.

-At the behest of Board members, next year's season includes more comedies; first up...a rollicking & wacky, camp send-up of the school integration crisis in Prince Edward County of the 1950s. ( soon?)

-Ken Parks and I bolster our lucrative Endstation contracts by being those guys that videotape 'drunk and drugged' bum fights in parking lots.

-Aahh, the good old days at FSU! (What the heck am I talking about?)
-How Ol' Shakespeare could write in rhyming verse and have a main character named 'Puck' and keep it clean I'll never know...

And that about wraps up this week's view from behind the velvet rope. I've tried to show just about everybody a little love. If I didn't call you out individually, trust me, it is a matter of either taste, decorum, or legal liability; and if we learn nothing else from the 'Rocky' movies (source of my personal mantra and the 'quotable' fare of the summer) it is that sequels are rarely as good as the original.

Regardless, we are a family. As the Bounce-man, I've got your back!

J. David Settle

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